Running Commentary: Hey Hollywood fatties!

by: bamf 5 months, 4 weeks, 1 day, 21 hours, 11 minutes ago 6

Over the past year there have been a couple moments in the cinema when I have winced in disgust.  Disgust is a strong word, but then it’s a pretty strong feeling that makes my face cringe like I am about to take a punch to the man sack.  What brings me such displeasure?  It is the talented actress’s of the day who have made themselves walking emaciated corpses at the behest of whom I do not know.  Natalie Portman in Hotel Chevalier looked like death in socks.  In Atonement, Kiera Knightly was two pounds away from becoming an extra in the film adaption of Mans Search for Meaning.  And finally, Hillary Swank (P.S. I love you) and Sarah Jessica Parker(Trailer for Sex and the City) are showing off their ribs like they were to later be on the menu of a Texas Bar BBQ cook off that could only feed a setting for one.

Is this me being a shallow male?  Am I presupposing my own tastes of beauty on emancipated women who will dictate the idea on their own terms?  Or are they just too damn thin, afraid to lose a part to another because they were five pounds heavier?  I will not speak for all men, but I will speak for this one.  Ladies of the overly lean, you are killing yourselves while at the same time, killing my boner.  Now I’m really getting shallow here, so be it.
Is it at all surprising that when you take a random sampling of amateur porn (I know, shocking the internet has porn) on the nets that you will not find any girl as thin as Knightly or Portman?  So with that in mind, let’s just play with the assumption that many men out there are not so much into the whole “you could shine a flashlight through my chest baby” thing.  Can we also assume that this particular image of beauty is unreasonable—and further unhealthy to the majority of the female population?  Yes I care about the kids, and so does Hollywood.

It vexes me when I think about what the anti-smoking lobby has pressured the limp wristed MPAA into this past year in relation to the topic I entertain.  I quote a USA Today article written in May of 2007, it reads,
“Underage smoking has always been considered behavior that could warrant a tougher rating, the MPAA said in its release. Now, “all smoking will be considered and depictions that glamorize smoking or … feature pervasive smoking outside of an historic or other mitigating context” could warrant a more prohibitive rating, the organization said.”

The article further states that movies in a year are responsible for 400,000 kids smoking for the first time, as well as 5000 smoking related deaths a month.  All of this could be subverted the story says if movies with smoking in them were given an “R” rating.  What the MPAA will be doing in response to these figures is a tightening down of the screws on any film that shows pervasive smoking, or glamorizes the act.  In this nanny state that we are continuing to strengthen, couldn’t the same thought process be applied to the morbidly thin?  We are so concerned about the role models for youth; shouldn’t that go beyond just nicotine?  I mean McDonalds was crucified for giving Americans unhealthy fast food and law suits were even entertained.  I may be in the minority here, but isn’t it ones choice as to what they put in their mouth?  Before I go anymore off track in this digression, I ask that you just consider these thoughts.  Now back on track.

What is sexy to me on a purely aesthetic level is this.  Renee Zelwegger in Jerry McGuire, Kate Winslet from Titanic, today’s Brittney Spears, (Mental health* and performance issues notwithstanding, have two kids then get on a stage for MTV in a two piece.  She looks great.) and yesterdays Marilyn Monroe. I want wit, class, and the good sense to laugh at my jokes and maybe looks a little like Jenna Fischer from the office.  It’s interesting to note that when you look at the cable and evening news you won’t find a stick figure theater (but theater just the same ahem!). Since the news is reported from the waist up, a busty presentation plays to the masses.  Not my rules, I just observe. 

In conclusion, entertain the body you were given Hollywood ladies. And that is not the one that only takes in 150 calories a week with four hours of power walking a day.  Thank you.
P.S.  F*** you Tyra Banks.

*I wrote this before the now absurd slow news day coverage of Britt and her custody issues.

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