So many questions come to mind but then, what can any one really say about this. Well, maybe one could say, “OUCH”!

BBC NEWS: 2006/11/09
A man suffered internal burns when he tried to launch a rocket from his bottom on Bonfire Night.

Paramedics found the 22-year-old bleeding, with a Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket lodged inside him, when they attended the scene in Sunderland.

He suffered a scorched colon and is now recovering in hospital, where his condition is described as stable.

A spokesman for the North East Ambulance Service (NEAS) said the prank could have been fatal.

Douglas McDougal, from the NEAS, said: “We received a call stating there was a male who had a firework in his bottom and it was bleeding.

“He sustained fairly significant injuries in the fact that there’s huge damage to that particular area.”

‘Beyond belief’

Mr McDougal added: “Potentially it could have been a fatal incident.

“There’s a lot of major blood vessels round that area, so infection would probably be a huge problem for him.

“And also the body naturally produces methane gas, so combine that with the firework and the exploding effect with methane’s flammability - it certainly could have been a lot worse than it really was.”

A spokesman for the Firework Association described the bizarre prank as “beyond belief”.

He said: “We have spent a long time working with the government to create laws that make fireworks safer and better for the public.

“This incident is very concerning but hopefully an isolated one.”

Northumbria Police said they were aware of the incident, which happened in the Dame Dorothy Street area of Monkwearmouth, but are understood not to be carrying out further inquiries.

My advice to him would first not do that.  Next if you ignore that, don’t put it in backwards.  Last, skip the frito pie and cauliflower dinner you had the night before.

I MAY NOT KNOW A THING ABOUT WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT.  BUT BY GOD I HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT IT!!!

Worldwide assault on Guinness records commences:

Grant Denyer, a weather presenter in Australia, who treated viewers to an unusual display of dexterity by pulling on 18 pairs of underpants in 60 seconds narrowly beating a previous record of 17.

I had two breakfast burritos this morning and I don’t care what anyone calls them. Glad I didn’t have to get a judge to tell me it was ok.

In Boston…

A burrito is not a sandwich.

That’s the culinary ruling of a Worcester judge, ending, for now, a food fight between Panera Bread Co. and Qdoba Mexican Grill.

In issuing his decision, which blocks Panera Bread’s attempts to keep the burrito maker off its turf, Worcester Superior Court Judge Jeffrey A. Locke relied on testimony from Cambridge chef Chris Schlesinger and a former high-ranking USDA official, not to mention the Webster’s Third New International Dictionary.

Bystander punched Borat in face

14nov06

COMEDIAN Sacha Baron Cohen was bashed by a passer-by in New York after he tried to play a prank as his alter ego, Borat.

According to London’s Sun newspaper Cohen, adopting the character of Borat, the Kazakhstani TV reporter, approached the man and said: “I like your clothings. Are nice! Please may I buying? I want have sex with it.”

But the bystander didn’t see the joke and punched Cohen in the face.

The comedian was struck again and again before being rescued by actor friend (and star of Ten series House) Hugh Laurie, who was accompanying Cohen to a New York bar.

The newspaper quotes a friend of Cohen as saying:"Sacha couldn’t resist playing the fool as Borat, but picked on the wrong person”.

The reported incident took place after Laurie and Cohen appeared on the US TV show Saturday Night Live late last month.

Cohen is currently in Australia promoting his successful spoof movie Borat.

Studio chiefs have warned Cohen to avoid pretending to be Borat on the street.

Since his film was launched he has only appeared in character while promoting the movie.

If you like grapes and have some spare time, you may want to take this as your sport. Can we call this a sport?

“SYDNEY, Australia — An American man caught 116 tossed grapes in his mouth in three minutes in what he hopes will become a new Guinness World Record, his publicity team said Thursday.

Steve “the Grape Guy” Spalding, 44, of Dallas, also set a personal record for endurance grape catching, using his mouth to catch 1,203 grapes thrown from a distance of 4.5 meters (15 feet) over half an hour, according to publicist Deanna Brown.”

Item #1

If you didn’t get enough of “Dancing with the Stars” and the BIG win by Emmitt Smith last night, ABC has announced they will be back next year in March with a another season.

Item #2

Do you want to Win a Tofurky for Thanksgiving? My answer is NO! but your mileage may vary so maybe this is for you.
Enjoy yourself!

This from a site that says, “Are you disgusted by the thought of sticking your hand up a dead bird’s backside, but don’t want to opt out of the main course during Thanksgiving dinner? We’ve got the perfect solution for you: the one and only Tofurky voted America’s favorite meat substitute.”
http://www.goveg.com/f-tofurky_contest.asp

Now I find some humor in todays entry but it is also… well, odd, strange or curious.

“Iron Mike Tyson says he wants to fight Austin’s Ann Wolfe in an exhibition. How ironic that Tyson, who has admitted to hitting women in the past, wants to get paid for it now.

Wolfe, who is recovering from shoulder surgery last year, said she is friends with Tyson and added that the report was blown out of proportion. She’s not interested in fighting him.

Laila Ali is another matter. The daughter of the fight legend has avoided Wolfe the way a vampire avoids breakfast.

Ali said this month that she wants to fight Wolfe but can’t get a deal done because Wolfe has managerial problems.

“She’s a liar and that’s all talk,’’ Wolfe said. “She will never fight me because she’s afraid of getting knocked out.”

I saw the highlights of Emmitt Smith’s win over A.C. Slater in “Dancing With the Stars” on Wednesday night. While I have no problem with the final tabulations, I can’t help but think Emmitt’s numbers were inflated because he had a superior offensive line.”

Two peace activists have planned a massive anti-war demonstration for the first day of winter.

But they don’t want you marching in the streets. They’d much rather you just stay home.

The Global Orgasm for Peace was conceived by Donna Sheehan, 76, and Paul Reffell, 55, whose immodest goal is for everyone in the world to have an orgasm Dec. 22 while focusing on world peace.

“The orgasm gives out an incredible feeling of peace during it and after it,” Reffell said Sunday. “Your mind is like a blank. It’s like a meditative state. And mass meditations have been shown to make a change.”

The couple are no strangers to sex and social activism. Sheehan, no relation to anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan, brought together nearly 50 women in 2002 who stripped naked and spelled out the word “Peace.”

The stunt spawned a mini-movement called Baring Witness that led to similar unclothed demonstrations worldwide.

The couple have studied evolutionary psychology and believe that war is mainly an outgrowth of men trying to impress potential mates, a case of “my missile is bigger than your missile,” as Reffell put it.

By promoting what they hope to be a synchronized global orgasm, they hope to get people to channel their sexual energy into something more positive.

The couple said interest appears strong, with 26,000 hits a day to their Web site.

“The dream is to have everyone in the world (take part),” Reffell said. “And if that means laying down your gun for a few minutes, then hey, all the better.”

Dare I say it? Snakes on a plane?

Nov. 22, 2006 Airport authorities seize snakes in plastic bottle

Airport authorities seized a viper and other reptiles in plastic bottles from a Filipino passenger who was about to board a flight from Manila to Bangkok on Tuesday. Authorities seized at least 134 reptiles including cobras, water skinks, pit vipers, iguanas and monitor lizards concealed in sacks and plastic bottles after passing through x-ray machines.

Ok, if your top speed is 5 mph, can you really call it a fast food run? Seems to be the case.

BOISE, Idaho - Two employees of the city’s ice skating rink have been fired for making a midnight fast-food run in a pair of Zambonis. An anonymous tipster reported seeing the two big ice-resurfacing machines chug through a Burger King drive-through and return to the rink around 12:30 a.m. on Nov. 10. The squat, rubber-tired vehicles, which have a top speed of about 5 mph, drove 1 1/2 miles in all.

The Zamboni operators, both temporary city employees whose names and ages were not released by Parks and Recreation Department, had to negotiate at least one intersection with a traffic light on their late-night creep from Idaho Ice World.

“They were fired immediately,” said Parks Department Director Jim Hall. “We’re pretty sure it was just the one time. When we interviewed them, they didn’t seem to be too concerned about it. I don’t think they understood the seriousness of it.”

Hall said neither the $75,000 Zambonis nor their $10,000 blades appeared damaged, but the city could charge the employees with operating an unlicensed motor vehicle on a public street.

Scientists at a U.S. weapons laboratory say they have trained bees to sniff out explosives in a project they say could have far reaching applications for U.S. homeland security and the Iraq war.

Researchers at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico said they trained honeybees to stick out their proboscis, the tube they use to feed on nectar, when they smell explosives in anything from cars and roadside bombs to belts similar to those used by suicide bombers.
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Now if they can just train their scientist to keep up with their computer hardware and software, we will all be a lot safer.

If the players will play faster, they may want to allow doping so the fans won’t keep falling asleep. (are there fans for chess players?)
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DOHA, Qatar - Chess’ world governing body will introduce dope testing at the Asian Games this week, although the sport’s top official in Doha said he had no idea how drugs could enhance chess performance.

“I would not know which drug could possibly help a chess player to improve his game,” competition manager Yousuf Ahmad Ali said.

“But, yes, there will be official monitors who may demand that players undergo a drugs test after the rounds.”

Drug testing is the latest move by the World Chess Federation to raise international standards in the hope of making chess an Olympic sport in the future.

Along with triathlon, chess is making its debut at the Asian Games, where more than 60 players will compete for the medals.

Forget the drugs, this poor woman has a bingo monkey on her back.
===========================
A grandmother found with a trunk full of marijuana was convicted of drug running in what prosecutors said was an attempt to earn cash for a bingo habit.

State troopers found 10 bundles of pot totaling 214 pounds hidden in Leticia Villareal Garcia’s car trunk last year when they stopped her outside Bisbee, in far southeastern Arizona.

Villareal, 61, told jurors before they convicted her Thursday that her only regular income was a $275 monthly welfare check, but she frequently played bingo and occasionally won thousands of dollars.

Prosecutor Doyle Johnstun said the game was Villareal’s undoing.

“People who play bingo almost every night of the week end up losing in the long run,” Johnstun told jurors. “The underlying issue is that she’s got a bingo problem, which explains why an otherwise nice person might get sucked into something like this.”

Jurors rejected Villareal’s argument that she’d been tricked into carrying the drugs.

Villareal faces three to 12 years in state prison when she is sentenced Dec. 18.

COLUMBIA, S.C. — A fed-up mother had her 12-year-old son arrested for allegedly rummaging through his great-grandmother’s things and playing with his Christmas present early.

The mother called police Sunday after learning her son had disobeyed orders and repeatedly taken a Game Boy from its hiding place at his grandmother’s house next door and played it. He was arrested on petty larceny charges, taken to the local police station in handcuffs and held until his mother picked him up after church.

“My grandmother went out of her way to layaway a toy and paid on this thing for months,” said the boy’s mother, Brandi Ervin. “It was only to teach my son a lesson. He’s been going through life doing things ... and getting away with it.”

TEMPE, Ariz.  The Heart Attack Gril, a theme restaurant whose specialties include the Quadruple Bypass Burger and Flatliner Fries, cooked in pure lard is making health care professionals’ blood pressure rise, and not because of the menu.

It is because of the waitresses’ naughty nurse uniforms.

The waitresses wear skimpy, cleavage baring outfits, high heels and thigh high stockings a male fantasy that some nursing organizations say is an insult to the profession.

Several nurses have complained to the Arizona attorney general’s office, and a national nursing group repeatedly has asked Heart Attack Grill owner Jon Basso to stop using the outfits.

“Nurses are the most sexually fantasized about profession,” said Sandy Summers, executive director of the Center for Nursing Advocacy, based in Baltimore. “We’re asking people, if they’re going to have these fantasies, please don’t make it so public. Move these sexual fantasies to other professions.”

Basso shrugs off Summers’ complaints, and refers to her and her supporters as prudes, cranks and lunatics.

The most serious complaint Basso has faced was made to the Arizona attorney general’s office by the state Board of Nursing. In September, the attorney general’s office wrote Basso a letter informing him that he is illegally using the word “nurse” at his restaurant and on his Web site. Citing Arizona Statute A.R.S. 32-1636, the attorney general said only someone who has a valid nursing license can use the title “nurse.”

Basso refused to remove “nurse” from his Web site but inserted an asterisk next to every nurse reference and included the following disclaimer:

“The use of the word ‘nurse’ above is only intended as a parody. None of the women pictured on our Web site actually have any medical training, nor do they attempt to provide any real medical services. It should be made clear that the Heart Attack Grill and its employees do NOT offer any therapeutic treatments (aside from laughter) whatsoever.”

Basso said the complaints have been good for business: “All they’ve done is ensure there’s going to be a gajillion of these all over the country.”

The Heart Attack Grill opened a year ago with a Hooters-like formula of red meat and sexy waitresses. Diners choose from among four cheeseburgers: the Single, Double, Triple and Quadruple Bypass. The Quadruple is a towering monstrosity with four half-pound beef patties, four pieces of cheese and a mound of bacon.

If “patients,” as customers are called, finish a triple or quadruple bypass, waitresses will push them out to their cars in wheelchairs at no additional charge.

“The service is fantastic,” Steve Koebensky of Scottsdale said with a snicker. “But they’re overly dressed.”

But Scottsdale nurse Kira Wilder, who contributed to the letter-writing campaign against the Heart Attack Grill, complained “Why do they have to denigrate the nursing profession and sexualize nursing? It’s just not necessary.”

Courtney Chapman, a 20-year-old waitress at the grill, said she found nothing wrong with the uniform or the stares she gets.

“They definitely look at us, but they’re guys,” she said. “If our butts are coming out the bottom of our skirts, and our boobs are coming out the top of our shirts, we’re kind of asking for it.”